Resolution

Heh, these are my new years resolutions:

• Write things down more - memory's not what it used to be
• Stop blow drying my hair
• Stick to one brand of anything for at least three months
• Write a new book
• Paint more
• Take a photo everyday - 365 memories
• Drop a dress size
• No more caffeine
• Buy less handbags
• Become less lazy :D
• To be really and truly inspired

I only had one new year's resolution for 2010 because I had little expectation of myself. I did do it though. I did finish a book. 

But now, 'it's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life for me and I'm feeling good'. 

 -Anthony Newley and Leslie Bricusse (1965 musical The Roar of the Greasepaint—the Smell of the Crowd)

hahah.

Writing this as I watch an old Bowie concert. Longest guitar solo ever. Nj. Its been going on for ages.

EDIT: It's still going. I'm not a guitar. I can't sing along. :(

Eight months later.

Lol. It really doesn't feel like eight months since I finished my first novel. This year has gone by so fast. I think that's enough of letting it rot. I will fix it. I will make it better.

Even if I die trying.

Ha, I'm even tallking in clichés! xD

Procrastination

I write a 'helluvalot' of blogs I just never post them.

I think its interesting; reading over the shit I want people to know and then the shit I want to tell people but never have the balls to post.

Lulz.

Inspired

This has me completely inspired:
http://www.kalebnation.com/blog/2010/12/04/things-i-have-learned-as-an-author/

I've never read his books but I have been subscribed to his blog for years. I guess he's my inspiration. He was teenage writer and now he's a published author.

Honestly, I want writing to be my full time career. I want it to be my north, south, east and west. I want it to be my working week and sunday rest. I want it to be my sun, my moon, my stars and sky. I want it to always be on my mind and in my dreams.

If this is passion, I feel it. I feel it in my heart and I feel in my blood. I feel it in every muscle and limb. I feel it in my eyes. I want to gorge them out and put them back in, just so I can write the experience.

I want to forget about everything, everyone. I want to forget what day it is, what date it is. I want to forget to eat, forget to shower, forget to socialise. Forget about being cold or warm. I want to forget basic human needs, just so I can write for the rest of my life.

I don't care about tomorrow or yesterday. I don't care about beauty, or art or anything visual. I don't need my eyes to see. Because in writing, there is nothing to see but mere words on a page.

This is what my life will be, someday. Writing is what I love and someday, it's all I'll ever need.

Memento Vivere

Current Reading: The Book Thief - Markus Zusak
Current Music: Let Go - Frou Frou
Mood: Opinionated; Planning world domination.
Smells: Cold air; coal
Sounds: iTunes
Temperature: 0°C; feels like -4°C
Thoughts: We can never get enough of the world.

I painted this for you.

The Midnight Nerd

• I'm typing this on my iPod due to lack of security on my laptop
• I'm typing this in bullet points as I am too lazy and tired to think in full pargraphs
• It's not actually midnight. It was an hour and fifty four minutes ago
• i'm one of those people that is content with their own company. I don't need people to make me happy
• sing me a little from phantom of the opera and you'll have touched my heart
• hand me a video game and you wont see me until its finished
• i reckon lifes too short to fuck about too much. Read a little, play a little and get where you want to be in life and then you can indulge
• quote from the bible and you'll have impressed me
• i'm simple. I only ever need the games money can buy to keep me happy
• proffessor layton x ace attorney <3 i want a 3ds now.
• i have been on my bed for the past six hours talking to a white machine with dual screens
• anime is my guilty pleasure

i reckon i've over indulged writinv this blog. I guess its just coz im soo happy!! xD

Mercy

..."and wonder when the choices got made  we don’t remember making."

-The Choosing, Liz Lochhead

I don't mean to blog so much.

But, honestly looking back; I realize, I don't recognize you anymore.

Who are you? Are you pretending? Why? I miss you. Please. What happened? Can we start again? You made me what I am and you can't leave me like this. Please. Christ have mercy.

Maybe

Maybe is like one hundred words, condensed into one.

Seven Days.

Seven ways to hold desire

Seven days for it to end in fire.

Seven times you said goodbye

Seven words, the perfect lie.

Seven seas I could have drowned you in,

Seven of those deadly sins.

Seven outcomes of the dice,

Seven times I took a slice.

Seven screams and seven sighs

Seven disasters in my eyes.

Seven wasted prayers from thou holy book,

Seven minutes was all it took.

Seven ways to a break a soul,

Seven days, and I lost control.

I'm no poet but there's no harm in trying.

Be all that you dreamed

In school, about a week ago, we were told to have a plan A, plan B and plan C.

Plan A - What I will do if I get back into school for sixth form
Plan B - What I will do if I don't get the GSCE's I wanted to do for A-Level
Plan C - I don't want to come back to school/I don't get enough GSCE's to get back into school

I think I've decided.

Plan A - I'm going to English Literature, RE, Art and maybe something else. And maybe go to a night class.
Plan B - I'll go to tech and do Beauty Therapy, or Art and Design.
Plan C - Same as above.

It'll be grand.

Right now, I want to be a make-up artist. But more than anything in the world, I want to be a writer. However, there is little money in both of those careers. So I'll guess I'll be an English teacher, if I get my plan A.

I miss how it used to be.

Getting older, it comes with both positives and negative. Probably hundreds of people have wrote essays on the pros and cons of growing up; contrasting, comparing, outlining, on one hand and on the other hand. And in conclusion, I reckon it depends on the outlook you have on life when you are thinking about the past. If your in a really shitty mood and your thinking about things that have happened, then your obviously gonna think 'I really screwed up there' or 'I really wish I could go back to...[insert brilliant times here]'.

Right now, I'm not in the best of moods and my outlook on life at the minute is a bit pessimistic. Thus, I'm obviously going to think of better times and wish I could go back and change something, just to make my future better.

Despite my religion and what the people around me think, I have my own opinions on how life works. Time is a human concept, so really time is wrong. Time will run out. Time is the space between one event to another. That space could be as small as nanosecond, but you can't take out a ruler and measure a moment. Time isn't fact, it's opinion.

We have always been beings of time but only because our time will run out.

If we were immortal, there would be no need for time.

All art is quite useless - oscar wilde

That quote is pretty true, when you think about it. Art is a luxury, after all. All you can do with art is scrutinize it, and decide whether you love it, hate it or have neutral feelings for it. Art isn't a necessity, therefore some people do not have the right to appreciate it.

Because I am pretty well off, well fed and all that, I do have the right to appreciate art. But it's useless. It can't make me toast or tea whenever I want. But art is nice, to put it simply. I really like makeup at the minute. I think that is a type of art, really. The face is like a canvas. Sometimes it isn't smooth, or right to paint on. Or maybe it's not even the right colour. So you've got to prime it, to make it smooth or to get rid of those unwanted pigments. Then you put down the base layer. And like painting you layer until you get that perfect, smooth colour you wanted.

There are so many things you can do with makeup. You can contort a person's expression, make them look like they've just been shot or make them look so eccentric that people mistake them for Lady Gaga.

Honestly, I love painting, and I really wish I had more faces to practice applying makeup on. With paint, you can buy canvas or paper. With makeup, you can't buy faces. However, both forms of art can make people so happy.

I think that's what I want to do with my life. When I'm older, and not so naive and self centered, I want to make people happy. Because honestly, how can someone be truly happy in a world full of miserable souls?

I can make you beautiful

Because beauty is just a lie.

This woman is really, and truly beautiful.

Honestly.

However, this is the lie that modern society call beauty.

I made this woman "beautiful" (using Photoshop CS5 Extended Trial Version) in a sense.

Because natural beauty isn't enough anymore.

Nothing

• Yesterday was the 11th of September 2010.
•  It's been nine years since 9/11. 
• And Muslim people want to build a mosque near the site of the World Trade Centre.

• In total 2,996 people died.
• 2,606 were in the World Trade Centre.
• 87 were on the flight American Airlines 11 - it crashed into the North Tower at 8.46am
• 60 were on the flight United 175 - it crashed into the South Tower seventeen minutes later
• American Airlines 77 had 59 passengers - it crashed into the Pentagon and killed 125 soldiers

• United 93 never reached its destination - the White House
• It crashed into an empty field in Stonycreek, Pennsylvania
• The passengers on board the flight - 37- and the crew -7- all died.
• They revolted against the hijackers after making phone calls to various people on the ground
• During the struggle, the plane rolled left and right to stop the passengers entering the cockpit before waving the nose of the plane up and down but they weren't going to give up
• The plane eventually rolled on its back and crashed, killing everyone on board at 10.03am

• All 19 hijackers were killed.

I'm not sure what to think of this information.

It's just facts and figures

Nothing can replace the loss of those people who were killed

Nothing.

A dream

Beauty is colour

Beauty is black and white

Beauty is greyscale

Beauty is saturated

Beauty is unsaturated

Beauty is defined

Yet it is undefined

Beauty is a smile

A laugh

A kiss

A cry

A touch

Beauty is perfect

Yet so imperfect

Beauty is forever

It only lasts a moment

Beauty is ageless

And unforgiving

Beauty is a contradiction

That cannot exist

Ranting this time

• Real ICT is learning how to write your own HTML and CSS, not clicking buttons on an out-of-date, no-longer-supported program such as Microsoft Frontpage
• We could at least use a professional, and downright better program... like Adobe Dreamweaver CS5
• How the hell do people get marks for using a HTML editor that makes crap that most everyday internet browsers cannot make heads or tails of? (Excluding Internet Explorer... of course Microsoft made that work -_-)
• Seriously, if I was an ICT teacher, and I never will be, but if I was, I would not be in a head-lodged-firmly-up-my-arse state of mind. 
• Nor would I wear girl's blouses (if I was a man ofc)

you never really knew me at all

i'm feeling creative tonight... so i made this. I still have a soft spot for these two, much to my dismay.

Anywhoo.

I used this:

And this:

To make... this!:

I admit, I have more important things to do... but photoshop might come in handy someday... maybe?

finally, I'm worth it though I'm not perfect, it still feels right

Today, I painted a night time seascape

It's not finish yet, but it's getting there

81 cm x 60 cm

A1, I think

Death by a thousand cuts

Don't wikipedia the death penalty.

Just don't >.<

Have faith in what you don't know

I am extremely passionate about writing.

It's what I love.

It's what I want to do.

I've admitted it.

Rambling.

• You can fly from Dublin to Chicago with Aer Lingus
• You can fly in a connecting flight from Chicago to Vancouver with United Airlines
• I found my way to Canada on a flight to Belfast from Faro, Portugal with Aer Lingus
• I hope I have the balls to fly 13hrs in total when I'm old enough to settle down
• I should already have tbh. I've flown around 17 hrs in the past to Australia
• I really want to travel when I'm in my twenty somethings
• I hate lounging about on holiday
• I want to get out there, get lost, eat crappy food, get a car and just drive until the sun sets
• I want to do something with my life
• I really want to help people
• I want to go to Kenya and build a house for a family that deserves one because the love that they share is something that Western families just don't. They don't need money to be happy.
• I want to go to Pakistan and somehow, try and help the families that were affected by that awful flood. No one deserves that.
• I want to adopt an Ethiopian orphan because the world is overpopulated as it is. It doesn't need another human spawning. I want to give a child a chance at life it never knew existed.
• I don't know anymore. I know what I want. I know I need to change myself and my life and my habits and just everything. Maybe change is too strong a word. Improve would be a better one. I'm so, so spoilt and I know deep down, that I'm not happy with everything I get because I know its far too much and I know that don't deserve it. 
• I don't want money to make me happy
• Spiritually, I'm at a loss. Christianity is too modernly influenced. 
• I'll find my beliefs somewhere, sometime. I'll find it when I'm happier at a deeper level.
• Right now, I'm happy. I'm happy with my life, where I stand, everything. I just know deep down, that my happiness is shallow and easily broken, easily repaired. 

Right now, I just don't know.

I'm too young to comprehend how I feel right now.

But I'll understand it, someday.

...

It makes no sense at all.

It makes no sense to fall;

As the world falls down.

-David Bowie [As The World Falls Down]

I see my little doggies again tomorrow

imissthem

Just thinking

I was just having a little thought. Nothing in particular, really. Just that, it wasn't always like this, was it? Y'know, where you can walk down the street in the dark and not even think twice about getting strangled or raped or anything of the sort. It wasn't always that people had so much money, and food and pretty clothes and nice hair, and even make up to doll themselves up. It wasn't always so, was it? People were lucky if they got a pound a week. They had no choice but to walk down dark smoggy streets and think of all the bloody nightmares that could happen to them. They might have even had to face some of those nightmares. Pleasuring another man, to feed your child sitting cold and wet and lonely on the street corner where you told him to stay. Worrying whether he's still there or some bastard has put him out of misery. Maybe it would be better that way.

Maybe somewhere, right now, people still have to live like that.

They probably do to.

To think, we've come all this way, through the pain and suffering and honestly brutal times just to have nice hair, pretty clothes, food on the table, a doctor we can go when we're feeling poorly and a family who'll give us the love and the support we crave.

All that torture, just to shape the greedy bastards we are today.

And to think, that torture is happening right now, somewhere far away from here. And that torture will shape their future. They'll become something similar to what we are today.

And, by then, I wonder what will become of us.

~ "One day men will look back and say I shaped the twentieth century". - Jack the Ripper

He did too. Prostitutes are illegal now.

Colour

I just spent an hour colourizing this picture of Audrey Hepburn. I hope you like it. I'm really tired now.

i love you. i really, honestly love you, with all my heart and mind and soul.

I wish I had the excuse to say cliché shite like that.

I'm going to paint this because it's beautiful.

It's really, honestly beautiful.

When I paint it, I'm going to ruin it.

It'll really, honestly end up a beautiful disaster.

We Could Write a Bad Romance

I wish that I could be taken away by a flow of seeming harmless words down a long and winding river with sharp bends, narrow streams and rocky beds. I used to be able to take myself away like that but now I can't. I am so easily distracted when I try to write. I look back at those stories, the ones that I had so much fun writing; crying and laughing as I was writing them. I loved how they brought me with them. But I look back and all I see is contradictions, poor flow and over all extremely awful quality. Was I really a good writer? For my age, maybe. But I'm getting older now. I see things differently than I use to. All my childish innocence and ignorance is gone; I'm finding it hard to see the good in some people. Those words sound as ominous but they are so undeniably true. I'm narcissistic now and I hate it.

Too be perfectly honest, I know that:

• I write fantasy because I'm not content with reality
• I write romance because I'm lonely
• I write from an older point of view because I can't wait to grow up
• I know that I write because I can't speak.

4 dah lulz. lol.

i saw eclipse on thurday. the films are getting progressively better, in my opinion. the more peter facinelli, the better.

Tomorrow, and Tomorrow, and Tomorrow

Hello Tomorrow.

Tomorrow I'm going to lie in my bed and do fuck all. I really wanted to go to Belfast tomorrow, but no. Have to work the most awkward shift, 6-10. I can't be bothered. Although, having a job has made me realise that I'll be working my ass off for the rest of my life. No matter how hard we try to make ourselves stand out from the crowd, or how hard we believe we're different, we're all the same in that way. I think I've learnt that now. I've also realised that if I don't do well in my GCSE's and A-Levels, I'll be spending my life working in a café when I could have been doing something I was really passionate about doing. The third and final thing I've realised is that I can't wait to go back to school.

Now, that is fucking sad.

Peace

Be more mellow, dude.

Bittersweet Fantasy

"The girl leaves with him. Her long curls caress his arm that is wrapped possessively around her waist. In the starlight, the pavements shine like silver. The rain drizzles, and the girl shrinks into him for protection. She knows she is vulnerable. In the darkness, the trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers. Black silhouettes against the silver moon hung in the starlit midnight sky. The night scares her. She wants him to protect her from the unknown."

Je suis désolé mais je ne sais pas. 

The trees are bare and everywhere the streets are full of strangers

'On My Own' - Les Miserables. I really love that song at the minute.

I start working in a coffee shop tomorrow, as a dishwasher. I found out on Tuesday and since then I've gone over about a million different 'worst case' scenarios. Par exemple:

- Walking in and tripping over my own feet
- Walking in, not sure, goes to the till and says "Hey, I'm supposed to start working here today'. They look at me and are like, "Wtf, no. Go away."
- Not going at all.

I need to dry my hair and I'm getting a headache. Gonna take some Kalms around ten, hope they help me sleep a little tonight. I'm honestly so nervous. But I want to do this.

Good Lord, I want this.

I remember I used to love you

But I don't know what love is anymore.


I start working on Sunday. I'm so nervous. I don't know what to expect. But I honestly can't wait.

This is a contradiction in itself.

I remember when I was littler, I used to read children's books about animals. I remember how I loved cats and how dogs frightened me. I remember I wanted to be a vet at one stage because there are very few jobs which children see through their rose-tinted eyes. I remember getting a papercut and the teacher sending me to the back of the room to sleep on the bean bag. I remember continuously swapping seats at two desks opposite each other so I could sit next to my best friend, but she didn't want to sit next to me. I remember I used to take all the shit that she put me through back in primary school and I regret being thrown around like that. But I knew that without her, I was alone and there is nothing worse than being unwanted.

I wonder where that innocence went. I'm not sure who I am or why I'm here, but I am and I probably won't ever figure it out.

As for now, I know that:

• My name is Jessica
• I'm fifteen years old
• I live by the sea
• I will have done my GCSE's this time next year
• I don't drink
• I don't smoke
• I don't do drugs
• I don't like being around people who are drunk/smoking/high
• I prefer serenity 
• I'm probably very boring
• No one reads this, thank goodness.

In my opinion, I think that sometimes it's good to remind yourself of who you are, no matter how self centered it might seem. Because, if you don't know who you are, how can you expect others to know who you are? 

The man who sold the world

Once upon a time, a long time ago, there was a man who sold the world. Then he had no where to hang his head from that day on because of the daft thing he done.

Don't leave before you meant to or you'll never find home again.

Pulp

Today, I was suspended from Yahoo! Answers for encouraging self harm and suicide.

Question: I'm ridiculously insecure. I worry too much about what people think of me. HELP?

*babbles on about some english speech they'd fail and die of embarrassment*

My Answer: Head up. Shoulder's back. You know the alcohol hand sanitizer in the toilets? Yeah, well drink it up. You may feel more confident, or you may die. But you said you'd die anyway, so... Oh, and put this in the right section next time and they will take your more seriously.

What is the world coming too.

The man who crossed the road

Once upon a long time ago, there was a long and lonely lane. You'd be surprised at how long and lonely it was. Not a dime nor deer for a hundred miles either way, maybe more but no one ever knew. On either side of this lane was a dark and sinister forest to the right, and to the left was a beautiful meadow with a rippling lake right on the horizon. 

Beautiful and blackhearted creatures inhabited the dark and sinister forest to the right. These creatures were so corrupt and dire that not a soul went near them. These creatures had two arms, two hands, two thumbs, two legs, two feet, two eyes and two lips. Their very beings were filled to the brim with darkness. They were distracted from the light and drawn into temptation. 

However, there was a man who had done so many awful deeds; some too horrible to even describe. But there was something different about him. He felt sorry for what he had done. Somehow through the mud that covered his slimy skin, the light entered his eyes and he was sorry. He gouged out his right eye and cut off his right arm, keeping only the left. Why keep a reminder of something so dark?

The man then crossed that long and lonely lane, with only his left eye and left arm, knowing that he was much better of without them both.

The moral of that story is that if your drawn into temptation, you should come out a better person than when you were before, even if you've lost something important along the way. 

Two hands and one conclusion

on one hand, i'm happy.

on the other, i'm not.

in conclusion, i only have two emotions.

(Source: http://zancan.deviantart.com/art/Home-and-the-Fairies-21248847)

We are just footprints in the sand, waiting to be washed away by the sea that we call time.

This is little more than a hiding place

Drifting apart, slow at first and it just keeps getting faster. Like a submerged watercolor, we're dissolving.

Love is just a cheap quotation while life is nothing more than someone else's opinion

Sometimes, I think about the future. Most of the time, I think about the future. I think about how I would want to go somewhere foreign for uni. I think about how I'd love to live in Canada. I'd love to marry a black man and have a half black daughter with blonde hair. I wouldn't talk to my family for eight years and then I'd call my mum and just be like, "I'm sorry." Then we'd come back over here, my daughter would make a run for it and my husband would run after her. I wouldn't really give a damn and regret that I didn't talk to my mum for eight years.

I would love to move to Canada, and have absolutely nothing. There is nothing more fulfilling than taking pride in something that you've built. My first night there would consist of wandering around Vancouver trying to find a quiet pub, and then end up in a fucking gay bar, talking to some gay bartender. I'd end up getting pissed and ranting about everything to him. He'd be nice and understanding. He wouldn't give a shit about the fact I'm a morbidly obese 20+ year old.

I don't know why my future lies in Canada. It just feels like the right way to go now. My aunt has ended up in Australia, so why can't I end up in Canada?

My head's in the clouds tonight. I like it though. I like getting high on fantasies of my future. I'd rather think about the future than the now. The now is too changeable, while the future's too far ahead to change too much. 

Sweet Nothings

I love that phrase. Sweet nothings. Not because it's 'cute', but because it's such an innocent phrase of beautiful words. When you really think about it, every good and positive feeling you've ever had is a 'sweet nothing'. It was sweet while it lasted, but that feeling is nothing to you now.

Some people are sweet nothings too. They can be sweet, but really, they're dead to you.

Here's to the sweet nothings in my life.
Here's to the times when we felt so alive.

I love sweet nothings, because really, everyone is just full of shit and sweet nothings. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer sweet nothings to shit any day.

Today was a good day. I missed someone I'll probably never be able to look in the same way I could a year or two ago. Some things change, I guess. Others don't last forever. Whatever happened; something happened. Something that's changed us both. Because I feel like all we ever do is clash.

And honestly, I hate it more than I dare to contemplate. For now, I'll just carry on pretending. Besides, when you smile, the whole world smiles with you.

Open your eyes and tell me what you see inside

I know I said I wouldn't bother with this anymore, but some habits die hard. Others come back and keep kicking your balls until you stop ignoring them. Whatever my reasons are, I doubt you really care.

The reason why I stopped was because I was nattering on about nothing, and no one gave a damn. Well, fuck it. I'm attention seeking, despite how hard I try not to be.

Over all, 2010 has had a really shit start. I hate what I'm becoming. I hate what some people are turning into. I don't have a social life. I don't overly want one.  I guess I've grasped the concept and got my head out of the fucking clouds. People aren't going to be there forever; they are as temporary and changeable as the weather.

There is only one person you can depend on in your life. Who that is, is up to yourself.

Yes, I am pissed off. And that hasn't changed and I doubt it will for a while now.

Past, Present and Future

I know I said I wouldn't bother with this but this is the last one.

Today is Holocaust Memorial Day, and I originally posted this in June.

For Everyone

For those who died, for those who survived,

For those who hoped and for those who dreamed,

The war is over, the fight is done;

Today we remember the battle we have won.

For those who killed, for those who murdered,

For those who died and for those suffered,

It has ended and we are singing;

Today we remember everyone we couldn’t save.

For those who will remember, for those who'll never forget,

For those who cried, for those who'll always regret,

Tomorrow is a new day;

We’ve learnt from yesterday’s mistakes.

For those who fought and for those who fled,

For those betrayed and for those who bled,

Together and forever; hand in hand, we will march ahead.

yep.

truth be told, i don't need this. no more blogging. i might as well just talk to myself.

...

Well, 'Another Code: Two Memories' is added to my list.

That makes three games and one book finished over this Christmas. Honestly, it's time's like these I'm glad my social life is limited.

Rightful Pieces

D2 W/o RG

Hrs spent asleep last night: -3

Minutes spent crying about it: 5-10

Times thought about killing someone: 5+

Hrs spent thinking about sand and secret passages: A while lot.

Merry Sunday. Went to sleep about half four last night. Woke up around 6.30-7, and kinda dozed with my eyes open. Had weird thoughts about living in a hotel alone and how much happier I would be. Also had weird thoughts about sand in my living room and a secret passageway under the rug. Weird the things you think when you're half awake.

Spent most of the morning doing that. Regained a grasp on reality around eleven and people were shouting and banging. Being tired and grumpy and wanting to go back to sleep, I cried about it. Got up when everyone went out. Went to town before lunch to get another game for my DSi. Ended up with 2; 'Another Code: Two Memories' and 'CSI: Hard Evidence'. Swapped 'Nintendogs', 'Catz' and 'More Brain Training' at the CEX shop for the 'Another Code' game, and got a nine pound voucher as well.

Starting to miss Kyle Hyde. Missing his adorable smug smile and tool fetish. Not to mention his bad manners; oh well. Still missing Ryan Gray too. Decided to base the girl-in-my-book's-dad on Ryan. Robert (girl's dad) has more backstory now, which makes him more 3D rather than 2D. Too bad he's dead.

Played 'Another Code' for a while, before dozing on the sofa while dad watched a western on the telly.

Did some writing. I reckon this is the beginning of the end of my book. I will finish it. Deadline's March 24th, I've decided. First draft should be finished by then. All in all, I'm happy with the progress. This time last year, the book was around 300 words and most of the ideas were still thoughts in my head. Amazing things happen in a year. This is why I'm going to miss 2009. Cause without, there would be no book and I certainly would not be here now missing Kyle Hyde and Ryan Gray, that's for sure.

Another to the list

Hotel Dusk: Room 215

Kyle Hyde has been added to my list of fictional men.

He is number two, coming in close second behind Ryan Gray.

Finished Hotel Dusk. Best Scenario ever;

Kyle: "Air's gettin' thin in here. Don't think I'll last much longer."

*Finds a hammer in the toolbox*

Kyle: "A hammer! This might come in handy! I'd never turn down a hammer; man's never gonna know when he needs to hit a nail in!"

Of all the things to miss...

Day 1 without Ryan Gray

Hrs spent brooding: 3+

Hrs spent in pajamas: 13+

Hrs spent drawing a woman with a spazzy face: 1+

Hrs spent playing DSi: Too many to count

_

What a miserable day it has been. Woke up at one and couldn't find phone. Lay in bed and thought about how hopelessly I am addicted to things, including a fictional character named Ryan. I wonder if this is what unrequited love feels like. Got up and stood for a while before settling down with DSi and played Hotel Dusk for a while. Kyle Hyde is a pretty good rebound guy, I must at admit. He talks to tools.

Got up made breakfast at two. Found phone under bed while finding wire for kindle. Remembered that I supposed to go to town today. Cursed myself mentally because if I had remembered, I would have forgotten about Ryan for a while and seen Katie.

Played Hotel Dusk some more. Found a gun in the yellow laundry cart.

Tidied room and then drew for a bit.

After drawing, started writing a blog about my day and how much I miss Ryan.

2010 is going to be a long year...

2:48am, the perfect time to complete a game (:

Wow. I just finished Another Code: R for the Wii. Best game ever, nj. It made me so happy. I mean, i have never yelled at a TV so much in my life, mostly shouting "RYAN FELL", "RYANS GOTTA GUN" "RYANS GONNA SUICIDE" "OMGOMG ITS RYAN". The game itself was lovely. The backdrops were like watercolour paintings; beautiful.

And for anyone who is wondering...

THIS IS RYAN :D

And you see what I mean about that background; beautiful, if I do say so myself.