This is little more than a hiding place

Drifting apart, slow at first and it just keeps getting faster. Like a submerged watercolor, we're dissolving.

Love is just a cheap quotation while life is nothing more than someone else's opinion

Sometimes, I think about the future. Most of the time, I think about the future. I think about how I would want to go somewhere foreign for uni. I think about how I'd love to live in Canada. I'd love to marry a black man and have a half black daughter with blonde hair. I wouldn't talk to my family for eight years and then I'd call my mum and just be like, "I'm sorry." Then we'd come back over here, my daughter would make a run for it and my husband would run after her. I wouldn't really give a damn and regret that I didn't talk to my mum for eight years.

I would love to move to Canada, and have absolutely nothing. There is nothing more fulfilling than taking pride in something that you've built. My first night there would consist of wandering around Vancouver trying to find a quiet pub, and then end up in a fucking gay bar, talking to some gay bartender. I'd end up getting pissed and ranting about everything to him. He'd be nice and understanding. He wouldn't give a shit about the fact I'm a morbidly obese 20+ year old.

I don't know why my future lies in Canada. It just feels like the right way to go now. My aunt has ended up in Australia, so why can't I end up in Canada?

My head's in the clouds tonight. I like it though. I like getting high on fantasies of my future. I'd rather think about the future than the now. The now is too changeable, while the future's too far ahead to change too much. 

Sweet Nothings

I love that phrase. Sweet nothings. Not because it's 'cute', but because it's such an innocent phrase of beautiful words. When you really think about it, every good and positive feeling you've ever had is a 'sweet nothing'. It was sweet while it lasted, but that feeling is nothing to you now.

Some people are sweet nothings too. They can be sweet, but really, they're dead to you.

Here's to the sweet nothings in my life.
Here's to the times when we felt so alive.

I love sweet nothings, because really, everyone is just full of shit and sweet nothings. I don't know about you, but I'd prefer sweet nothings to shit any day.

Today was a good day. I missed someone I'll probably never be able to look in the same way I could a year or two ago. Some things change, I guess. Others don't last forever. Whatever happened; something happened. Something that's changed us both. Because I feel like all we ever do is clash.

And honestly, I hate it more than I dare to contemplate. For now, I'll just carry on pretending. Besides, when you smile, the whole world smiles with you.

Open your eyes and tell me what you see inside

I know I said I wouldn't bother with this anymore, but some habits die hard. Others come back and keep kicking your balls until you stop ignoring them. Whatever my reasons are, I doubt you really care.

The reason why I stopped was because I was nattering on about nothing, and no one gave a damn. Well, fuck it. I'm attention seeking, despite how hard I try not to be.

Over all, 2010 has had a really shit start. I hate what I'm becoming. I hate what some people are turning into. I don't have a social life. I don't overly want one.  I guess I've grasped the concept and got my head out of the fucking clouds. People aren't going to be there forever; they are as temporary and changeable as the weather.

There is only one person you can depend on in your life. Who that is, is up to yourself.

Yes, I am pissed off. And that hasn't changed and I doubt it will for a while now.